Hear me out… Until very recently I have been quite concerned with the youth culture in the United States. Let’s just say that if I have to bet on our skinny jean wearing androgynous little glee watching participation ribbon getters or a billion factory working little Chinese fuckers in Nikes they made themselves??? I will be placing a healthy wager on the yellow team. America’s Best Dance Crew, Twitter and Prius’s don’t win wars… Soldiers do… Back...
16 Jun
I know I am late to the party on this one… Flipping through the channels the other day I saw Kris Jenner finally dropped a BOMB SHELLLLL!!!! Khloe Kardashian has a different father than Kourtney and Kim? Do you mean to tell me that These 3 are not basically identical? (Khloe is the one in the middle if you can’t tell them apart) Do you honestly expect me to believe that just because one of them looks like the World’s Tallest Lady from the paperback Guinness Book I bought from my grade school book...
9 Jun
Arnold keeps telling me to stay consistent with content and get at least an article a day. I managed to get substantially closer than I usually do on my #WCF G4 prediction so I figured I would press my luck and try it for the #ECF. Game 4 at the Garden, Boston fans are some of the most obnoxious in the league but I think they will be shut the hell up early in this one. Even with Bosh out again, the aging Celts seem over matched when DWade and LeBron decide to show up. Losing G3 is exactly the kind of nut tap it usually takes to remind #6...
3 Jun
My initial predictions in this series proved inaccurate as most of my official predictions are. My NBA Draft preview wasn’t even named accurately as it was actually an NBA Draft Lottery preview. It was more just me posting some pictures and saying what everyone already knew without discussing shit about the other 59 players that will be picked on a date I don’t even know. My Heat v. Celts preview probably would have been accurate as it is happening exactly as I expected so of course I didn’t even write it. All of that being said, I have now watched all of these games and have...
1 Jun
Been a rough week around the Jortan household. I am not even close on my Thunder v. Spurs preview and I didn’t even get around to writing my Heat v. Celts post which would have been accurate after 1. That being said… I will provide flawless NBA Draft coverage, and every statement will be factual and play out exactly as described when you see it later this evening. TNT or ESPN or whoever bought the rights will unveil some fancy new graphics and a bunch of fat old black dudes who used to be amazing...
30 May
I am having a bit of writers block, which in my world basically means I haven’t been out of my apartment enough lately to see something I hate. Therefore I figured no time like the present to start my religion. Some assholes think they will someday pen a novel, or climb Mount Rushmore. My goals are simple 1) Be arrested for inciting a riot 2) Bang Jessica Alba or Biel 3) Start the world’s largest organized religion YES PLEASE!!! For a long time I have been thinking about getting into the religion racket. The other night I drank a bunch of Bud Light Lime’s that some broad left...
11 Jul
I haven’t written anything for awhile. Should I be concerned that the longer I make people wait, the more they will expect greatness upon my return? Should I worry that if I don’t continue to crank out content people will forget we are here? Should I lose sleep wondering what all those emo turds on Twitter are talking about when I am not there to mock them? Yes I probably should be or do all of those things. I should also go to church and eat better and treat all races equally, but no one is perfect. You get what you get when I give it. I don’t have the energy to explain...
6 Jun
Woke up to a text message from Clinton Jortis about my not writing anymore. Here is the deal Jortscenter faithful. I am on a pretty sweet poker heater, my boss has been prepping me to hopefully take on a promotion at work, some Asian girls were naked during a ping pong playing cookout I attended yesterday and I also need to do laundry. So we are clear, all of these things trump writing for my unpaid website. That being said, there have been a number of topics that have come up lately that I probably should be writing about. I will attempt to get a few of them on wax today or tomorrow, and go...
24 May
Wow, remember a really long time ago when I bemoaned my bad luck in being a huge Royals fan? That article was written before I watched the Cleveland Cavaliers mail it in this evening. That article was written before I realized maybe Kansas City doesn’t have it that bad. The Royals won a ring in 1985. Cleveland hasn’t won shit since 1964. Cleveland is on a really depressing run. The Browns were bad ass in the 80′s and couldn’t get it done? Then the Indians had all the talent in the world and crapped the bed. Now, they have an absolute freak of nature who should be completely...
13 May
I know our journey here at Jortscenter has only just begun, but I feel like we know each other well enough already that I can reveal a secret. I am a Royals fan… In fact, I am a HUGE Royals fan. I don’t mean I have a license plate holder, and check for their highlights every night on Sportscenter. I mean I have a neon Royals light on my bookshelf and I call out of work the 1 time a year they are on ESPN. I get Twitter and Google alerts about how they are doing, and I once knocked over a USA Today newspaper vending thingy when their bullpen blew yet another save (I may have been...
11 May
