Jortscenter viewer @Mamasquine snapped this photo somewhere and sent it to us. Looks like Jethro is about to stab this unsuspecting victim with his Hillbilly Hard-on. Thanks Mamasquine. I’m sure this photo will be very useful in the future. Not for Jortscenter, but as evidence in some sexual assault court case in the near future.

But he brought the nachos and margaritas, so at the end of the day, it was a good party.

Until very recently I have been quite concerned with the youth culture in the United States.

Let’s just say that if I have to bet on our skinny jean wearing androgynous little glee watching participation ribbon getters or a billion factory working little Chinese fuckers in Nikes they made themselves???  I will be placing a healthy wager on the yellow team.

America’s Best Dance Crew, Twitter and Prius’s don’t win wars…  Soldiers do…

Back in my day, I honed my skills on the playground where I was just as likely to end the confrontation with a figure four leglock as I was to give you a Rude Awakening.  Point was, I played some G Damned sports and learned to wrestle from steroided up racist stereotypes every Monday.

Admittedly there is still wrestling and UFC has gained considerable popularity…  Unfortunately as I age I realize that the WWE actually is the white trash soap opera my father proclaimed it to be and most UFC fans are Affliction T-Shirt wearing meat heads.

American Ninja Warrior on the other hand?  This is a sport that celebrates agility, speed, strength and awesomeness.  This is a sport that might come in handy when we inevitably get invaded after China realizes we have Totinos Pizza Rolls.

I have been watching the Ninja Warrior shows for a few seasons now, and it always struck me as one of the most bad ass television shows of all time.  Until recently it never dawned on me that it had a legitimate chance to go mainstream.  This season, this format…  Has a very real breakout sport feel to it.  This could be the Tipping Point for ANW, and I could not be happier.

After all, my fat ass isn’t going to war…  Send these freaks

Also, it is an amazing sport to interact with the athletes in…  I would imagine it is similar to the WSOP before Moneymaker’s fat ass won it.

During the NBA Finals on Thursday I saw an interesting new commercial that I originally thought was just Greg Oden playing a pickup game.

Then after a few seconds, when the player didn’t suffer a season ending injury I realized it couldn’t be Oden.

That is when I got very excited and thought maybe The LeBrons were coming back!?!

Notice how even way back then LeBron is trying to hide the fact that he is going bald with every character?

Unfortunately for everyone (most of all LeBron) what I was witnessing was just a ripped off version of “Pops” from the LeBrons

Before picking the winner of this years NBA Finals, I wanted to be sure to explore WHY I believe it will unfold the way it does.  In my estimation the NBA is completely rigged barring injury.  There is a reason everyone thinks that the Pacquiao fight, the NBA Lottery and the WWE are fixed…   They are.

At some point you must simply accept reality…  It is not probable that Lindsay Lohan is a Porsche crashing dumpster for various male bodily fluids…  It is factual.

It is not probable that Jerry Sandusky mouth banged dozens of little boys in the locker room while the entire athletic department covered it up…  It is factual.

It is not probable that Pac Man beat Bradley, that the Bobcats should have the #1 pick or that Durant and the Thunder will be crowned NBA Champs 6 games from now…  It is factual.

The Thunder winning a ring is as inevitable as Sandusky dying in a prison shower (well deserved on both counts I might add)

Let’s start with the Pacquiao theory and apply it to the NBA Finals.  If Pac wins, he continues to have no marquee name to conquer while he waits for Pretty Boy Floyd and their managers to make the money right.  If Pac clearly wins but gets screwed…  Rematch, a pile of money for both and a gang of Pay Per View buys, by the way…  Bradley probably just assured himself a fight with Mayweather as well.

So now, we have Pac v. Bradley 2 and when Pac wins we’ll have the tie breaker.  Add in Money Mayweather feeding Bradley punches until he knocks him out and the possibility of 4 marquee boxing matches over the next 2 years…  Pretty good for a dead art form.

To that point, LeBron has a pretty solid story line going with the oh so close but no ring thing.  Durant and the Thunder are immensely likable, high scoring and fun to watch.  My guess is that Dave Stern has decided to give the Thunder a parade through the streets of Seattle Oklahoma City and BOOM!!! free story line about Tim McVeigh blowing that crap hole up.  LeBron remains all the dumb adjectives all the boners on ESPN were using today and we get an entire extra year out of the hype machine.  Just imagine the free talking points next year with LeBron still searching, the young princes of the unknown city carrying around a giant gold basketball and Dave Stern can go back to wondering why Rudy Gay jerseys just don’t sell.

The fact is, when I make a prediction in a case like this I go for the winner that most benefits the people with the most money…  Actually that is how I make all of my predictions in life.

Thunder in 6, Serge Ibaka is the difference.

It’s always best to look on the bright side of things.

No Shit?!?

I am fairly certain Matt does not own a shirt and Channing can not spell shirt

Just realized I could have named this entry No Shirt!?! and neither of them would be smart enough to figure it out.

Flipping through the channels the other day I saw Kris Jenner finally dropped a BOMB SHELLLLL!!!!

Khloe Kardashian has a different father than Kourtney and Kim?

Do you mean to tell me that

These 3 are not basically identical? (Khloe is the one in the middle if you can’t tell them apart)

Do you honestly expect me to believe that just because one of them looks like the World’s Tallest Lady from the paperback Guinness Book I bought from my grade school book club…

That she is in some way from a different blood line than her 2 short, attractive, non monstery sisters?

I just don’t buy it

Next you are going to tell me Hagrid and Harry Potter weren’t brothers…

Or Danny Devito and Arnold Jortzenegger aren’t really Twins?

I GUESS if you want to be all judgey and superficial you COULD point out that basically ALL photographs of the 3 of them seem like they are a gag photo made with Photoshop

I personally just think we need to be absolutely sure before we make these kinds of claims

BUT, I guess since Kris Jenner said it… we can officially respond…  With a resounding…

No Shit!?!

By the way Chyna and Mila Kunis look more alike than Khloe and Kourtney

No one is surprised they have different dads, most people are more surprised that Khloe didn’t come here in a UFO from some distant planet of Amazonian Giantesses.

Yep. This pretty much epitomizes “Wrong Place, Wrong Time”

I think a lot of folks are missing out on how innovative this man is. It’s so hard  difficult in this day and age to come up with new ideas and concepts. Jokes aside, I think he needs credit for coming up with this new idea/concept. The reverse massage.

I wonder what the official domestic light beer of newly discovered haunted planets is?

Space explorers rock Silver Bullets?

No Shit!?!

Are you telling me that the dude who starred in the 70′s equivalent of Glee

The butch manly dressed man from Saturday Night Fever

Who grew into the even more manly dressed totally not gay dude in Trolling for Guys Staying Alive

Is GAY?

No

FUCKING

SHIT!?!