No Shit!?! Files #5

I know I am late to the party on this one… Flipping through the channels the other day I saw Kris Jenner finally dropped a BOMB SHELLLLL!!!! Khloe Kardashian has a different father than Kourtney and Kim? Do you mean to tell me that                         These 3 are not basically identical? (Khloe is the one in the middle if you can’t tell them apart) Do you honestly expect me to believe that just because one of them looks like the World’s Tallest Lady from the paperback Guinness Book I bought from my grade school book... 

date9 Jun
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@MileyCyrus in #Jorts

    In the words of @HipHopYoda …. “Mmrrghh Yes…As fuck, Ratchet, she is….Hrmmmmmm?” Now, I’m not sure @HipHopYoda is being quite fair. HOWEVER. Can she possibly pull those things any higher? Is she on her way to a Camel toe Show? Looks like she cut off some mom jeans, and hiked those fuckers up, and went out the door. Oh well.  »View More

date5 Jun
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@Rihanna in Jorts

  Man! What a great picture…would you just LOOK at that pair of….jorts. @HipHopYoda says “Mmmmrggg Hit that I would….”  »View More

date1 Jun
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T- Boz’s Car Repoed?

  Remember T-Boz from TLC? Michael Jortan says she’s about as reliable as making a car payment in 2012 as Left Eye. She always said she wasn’t too proud to beg. Probably time to explore that option. http://www.celebritynetworth.com/articles/celebrity-cars/tbozs-car/  »View More

date27 May
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Phil’s Finds – Hockey Sluts

  Canadian girls. Hah.  »View More

date27 May
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Remember Lisa Turtle?

Gotta admit. An adolescent Arnold Jortzenegger did not not hate brown sugar. In fact, Lisa Turtle was his jam. Looks like Lisa Turtle has been on the Sammy Sosa program. This killed a little part of Arnold, seeing this today.      »View More

date19 May
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Chyna Rushed to Hospital

According to TMZ, former WWE superstar Chyna collapsed in front of the main stage at a XXX convention in Miami moments ago. Sources at the scene tell us … Chyna was hanging out at the 2012 Exxxotica Expo when she suddenly dropped to floor. Jortscenter insiders trying to get confirmation as to the number of dicks on said floor prior to Chyna’s collapse. We’re told several people rushed over to help … and carried Chyna out of the expo and into a nearby hotel where she’s now resting. Jortscenter is speculating that she passed out from a sudden drop in blood pressure... 

date18 May
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Check Please?

As a single (shocking I know) young gentleman, I have had numerous conversations with young ladies lately. I am currently torn between which statement tossed casually into conversation is more troublesome? 1) My first husband 2) My oldest kid I don’t think I am being a total asshole here, but if you couldn’t make it work with someone else I have NO shot. And, I am NOT looking to put some other dudes kid through college. What is a worse opening line from a girl, to you? "My First Husband...." "My Oldest Kid....." View Results  Loading ...  »View More

date26 Jun
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Jort Stories 1 – TwiMom Speaks

We here at Jortscenter consider ourselves to be pretty socially aware. By socially aware I don’t mean that we give a shit about the homeless, blood diamonds, pubic lice or whatever humanitarian cause Bono and Sean Penn are carpooling to in their Prius to improve their image (didn’t they ride on separate Gulf stream airplanes to get to Haiti?). By socially aware I mean that we for the most part “get it”. Many people have been wearing Jorts for impure reasons lately. Irony is cool to hipsters, and wearing jorts as a goof has become ironical. Unfortunately you skinny jean,... 

date20 May
comments6 Replies
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Kendra is my religion

Holy Pope fingers in a choir boys butt hole!!! How did someone not interrupt me at my meaningless job today to inform me of perhaps the greatest thing to happen since the shake weight commercial. Kendra Motherfucking Wilkinson MIGHT have a sex tape. Here is the dealio, Kendra Motherfucking Wilkinson DOES have a sex tape, of that I am quite sure… WEEEEE MIGHT GET TO SEE IT!!!! I’m going to go ahead and let everyone on Earth know right here and right now 3 simple facts. 1) I will not be at work the day that hits the net 2) Do NOT shake hands with me for a month after. Either hand, I... 

date5 May
comments2 Replies
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Really? Dude! Come On.

This just in… Jenna Jameson is a crazy lying bitch. I feel confident that everyone on Earth already knew that BUT, she insisted on proving it by claiming her husband Tito Ortiz (oh man, Tito Jortiz…. how did I miss that?) beat her up. Here is the thing, I have sat next to Jenna Jameson at a club and tried to get my boy Elliot to put his foot in her or whichever body part you would need to insert into her vag to register a sensation. Unfortunately he wasn’t going for it, because I don’t think legally you even have to ask Jenna if it’s ok to have sex with her. After... 

date29 Apr
comments3 Replies
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