JC Receives Our First Hate Mail !

We are happy to let everyone know we have our first JortsCenter hate mail! The angry woman was not thrilled about her GIANT mom jorts showing up on JortsCenter. Apparently she thinks we need permission when linking to photos that are found on the internet in public domain. We posted the photo you see above, and got this response back. @MomJorts Yo, don’t mind you used my pic bc you can’t see my face & I have a sense of humor, but you should really ask for permission in the future. Michael Jortan then replied back to her, via Twitter… @jortscenter How many stones had to... 

date30 Jun
commentsReply
moreMore

Who Are You Kidding?

What is up with dudes popping the hood when their car breaks down? Like they are diagnose and fix it? An actual dead animal would have to be under the hood for me to know what was wrong.  »View More

date29 Jun
commentsReply
moreMore

Helen Keller HATED Candles

Is Helen Keller Reverse Face-Palming Dwight Eisenhower? Today would have been the 130th birthday of Helen Keller. Those who know me in real life know 2 things about me. I love pizza I hate Helen Keller I like making fun of those different than me as much as the next guy, and ole’ H.K. was about as different as they come. In reality, I guess I don’t really hate HER so much as I hate all the self righteous douche piles that get offended when you make fun of her. I guess it just seems contradictory. Are we proud of the retard for saying wawaa? Or are we pretending to treat this failure... 

date27 Jun
commentsReply
moreMore

Check Please?

As a single (shocking I know) young gentleman, I have had numerous conversations with young ladies lately. I am currently torn between which statement tossed casually into conversation is more troublesome? 1) My first husband 2) My oldest kid I don’t think I am being a total asshole here, but if you couldn’t make it work with someone else I have NO shot. And, I am NOT looking to put some other dudes kid through college. What is a worse opening line from a girl, to you? "My First Husband...." "My Oldest Kid....." View Results  Loading ...  »View More

date26 Jun
commentsReply
moreMore

Baby Jorts aka “Jiapers”

Awesome. Can we write some ad slogans too? “Huggies Jean Cruisers, because babies can be trash too” “Huggies introduces the meanest thing you can do to your baby this side of a dumpster” “Huggies Jean Cruisers, because wrapping your baby in a confederate flag every day gets spensive”  »View More

date26 Jun
comments1 Reply
moreMore

Jaywalking is a Crime

Here is a Seattle cop having a hard time controlling a 17 year old female jay walker. Then knocks her friend the FUG OUT. In a related note….Will somebody please tell the camera guy if he’s SERIOUS?  »View More

date16 Jun
comments11 Replies
moreMore

Dance Dance Evolution

Times have changed When I was a teenager, there were only two options. 1) Sports, video games and being a good kid or 2) Skateboarding, smoking and being a dirt bag Apparently now those are still options, but you also have option 3 to be a nutless bitch who is practically a girl. Today, as I was driving to work I passed a large city park with about 20 basketball hoops. As I was looking and wishing I could be up there playing a pick-up game, or even just shooting free throws I was amazed that there were only 2 people on any of the courts. In my head I was actually thinking what a shame it is that... 

date13 Jun
comments1 Reply
moreMore

20 Drunk ?’s w/ Michael Jortan

If you look up WTF? on Wikipedia, you get a family portrait of Khloe Kardashian with Kim and Kourtney. 1) How do 2 fine ass bitches like that have Shesquatch for a sister? 2) How does Lamar Odom marry a bitch taller than him? With a bigger dick? 3) How does the camera man fit her in the shot with Kourtney? It’s like Lenny an George in that terrible Steinbeck novel that never caught on. Tell me about the rabbits Kourtney. Jesus, Khloe looks like what would happen if Kevin Mchale and Michael Clark Duncan had a daughter. 4) How does no one remember her cameo in Deuce Bigalow Male Gigalo? 5)... 

date10 Jun
commentsReply
moreMore

Lord Lando’s Cup

This just in (4 hours ago, but I was busy) The Chicago Blackhawks are Stanley Cup Champions. I would have posted this much earlier, but I was delayed. I am from the fly over great state of Illinois (born and raised, on the playground is….no), I am a HUGE sports fan, and I adore winning, drinking AND riots. To help you understand the delay in this post, I should go into detail. The Stanley Cup Finals register so low on my radar that I didn’t even know the game was tonight. I don’t know if it says more about me, or Hockey but I was substantially more excited tonight to find out... 

date9 Jun
commentsReply
moreMore

Katy Perry

Here’s the deal. Katy Perry has some great New York boobs, and is therefore free to do almost anything she wants. I wouldn’t mind if she budged in front of me waiting for the new iPhone, or used it during a movie. I do however draw the line when it comes to artistic integrity regardless of how big your boobs are. I think Katy Perry straight GANKED her new video from my home girl. But… You be the judge Larceny YEAAAHHHH!!!  »View More

date9 Jun
commentsReply
moreMore

Not impressed

I haven’t written anything for awhile. Should I be concerned that the longer I make people wait, the more they will expect greatness upon my return? Should I worry that if I don’t continue to crank out content people will forget we are here? Should I lose sleep wondering what all those emo turds on Twitter are talking about when I am not there to mock them? Yes I probably should be or do all of those things. I should also go to church and eat better and treat all races equally, but no one is perfect. You get what you get when I give it. I don’t have the energy to explain... 

date6 Jun
commentsReply
moreMore