Woke up to a text message from Clinton Jortis about my not writing anymore.

Here is the deal Jortscenter faithful. I am on a pretty sweet poker heater, my boss has been prepping me to hopefully take on a promotion at work, some Asian girls were naked during a ping pong playing cookout I attended yesterday and I also need to do laundry.

So we are clear, all of these things trump writing for my unpaid website.

That being said, there have been a number of topics that have come up lately that I probably should be writing about. I will attempt to get a few of them on wax today or tomorrow, and go respond to some Twitter shit.

For the purposes of this post, I will be discussing the relative merit or lack thereof with ESPN Bottom Line.

What is amazing to me about ESPN Bottom Line is how uninformative and useless it is. The breaking news today is that Orlando Magic Coach tells AP that Lebron James will stay in Cleveland stating “If you stay you can make $30 million more. And if you already have a good team, why leave?”

Well thanks for that ESPN, and thank you Mr. Chewing.

Here’s a few thoughts that ran thru my head immediately after reading that.

1) Who the fuck is Patrick Ewing to say where LeBron will end up? Do they even know each other? Wouldn’t Mark Price or Craig Ehlo be a more informed source? Wouldn’t Patrick Ewing Jr. be a more informed source? I honestly think rolling an 8 sided dice with 8 possible teams on it would be a better source of information on this topic that Patrick.

2) Who the fuck is Patrick Ewing to give advice on staying with a good team?

Patrick’s loyalty and logic garnered him exactly as many NBA Championship Rings as I have.

Being content to be on a “good” team might explain why Villanova was dancing their asses off at the end of his Junior year.

3) Shouldn’t Patrick be worried about the fact that his Orlando team just took a fist square in the shit shoot in Game 3?

Maybe don’t worry so much about a dude who plays on a team that is eliminated and check Ray Allen?

Why does Pat care anyways, LeBron ain’t going to the Magic.

I know Patrick lives by the motto “Once a Knick Always a Knick” but he isn’t a Knick.

4) Remember when Patrick was on the Sonics? Follow up, remember the Sonics?

5) How can any member of our species look that much like a primate?

6) What gem will the Bottom Line drop on me next?

Patrick Chewing