So, last year I was invited to a Christmas Party at Michael Jortans house. It was about a 9 hour drive, but promised to be a fun time, and Michael Jortan lives in Las Vegas, so I made the trip. It was a classy dinner party. Dudes in shirts and ties, girls in cocktail dresses. Prime Rib, Red Wine, Homemade Dinner Rolls, that sort of thing. The point I’m making is no one at this event was wearing Jorts. The hosts of the party had decided to get all of their guests small presents. All the ladies opened their gifts first and they all recieved some of the new Starbucks Via instant coffee stuff and a dispenser for their counters at home. They were happy, hugged the hosts, said their Thanks Yous and thought it was nice.

All of the dudes got Freshballs.

Now, have you seen that video of the kid, on christmas, when he got the Nintendo 64? This video

JortsCenter fans…I do not exaggerate. 4 grown men reacted in this exact same manner when they all opened their presents and saw they all got Freshballs. They jumped out of their seats, were cheering, hugging each other, hugging everything in site, jumping up and down, acting like a real bunch of fags. One guy was standing on his chair, with both arms in the air, like he  just hit the game winning shot in game 7 to beat the Lakers for an NBA title. Another guy undid his belt, reached into his pants (while seated at the dinner table) and applied Freshballs directly to his undercarriage. He then proceeded to zip back up, re-seal his belt, stand up and do the Carlton in place for about a full minute with a smile on his face that made you think that he had just inherited $10 million dollars.

Since then, I hear more and more people talking about Freshballs. I guess now they are coming out with the product for women to use on their Blouse Muffins. Since we are creating a culture of public service here, I felt that this is a topic our JortsCenter audience needed to know about.