Holy Pope fingers in a choir boys butt hole!!!

How did someone not interrupt me at my meaningless job today to inform me of perhaps the greatest thing to happen since the shake weight commercial.

Kendra Motherfucking Wilkinson MIGHT have a sex tape.

Here is the dealio,
Kendra Motherfucking Wilkinson DOES have a sex tape, of that I am quite sure…
WEEEEE MIGHT GET TO SEE IT!!!!

I’m going to go ahead and let everyone on Earth know right here and right now 3 simple facts.

1) I will not be at work the day that hits the net

2) Do NOT shake hands with me for a month after. Either hand, I am not too proud to pull a stranger.

3) I will be purchasing new towels
and socks
and running out of paper towels
and Kleenex
and might possibly need new carpet.

I can confidently say that Kendra Wilkinson is the ideal woman,
hot as all fuck,
substantially more dumb than she is hot,
AND good at sports which of course makes her solid breeding stock.

The things I would do to Kendra would make Japanese businessmen puke in their Sake.
If a tape of us leaked onto the interweb, Russian guys who run Bestiality sites would demand tougher internet regulations.

Chris Hanson would be too disgusted to read the transcripts.

and I would do them in a Church with a web cam and all of my elderly family members watching.

I currently have my fingers, toes, hoodie drawstrings and pubes crossed that this work of art hits the net. And when it does FUCK YOU Sprint download max, I’ma set a T1 line on fire.

I implore every able bodied citizen of Earth to join me in prayer.
Please dear lord Jesus Christ if you do or did in fact ever exist.
I will increase my belief that you can rise from the dead or make statues cry by 14% if this tape comes out.

The dying for our sins was great and all, but this is Kendra Wilkinson we are talking about.

Do it for Joseph the unfortunate asshole your mother cheated on, but then regretted cheating on and subsequently inspired the greatest cheating on a person cover up / basis of a huge world wide religion story of all time.
He deserves this, and so do I.

I love you Kendra, never change…