As you will soon come to find, I take requests. In fact, it’s more than that. I am a whore to traffic and tips.
I would like to compare myself to a dueling Piano player.
There are some requests I will play without hesitation.
I consider these songs to be of the Bon Jovi variety. Everyone knows what to expect, and they rarely disappoint.
There are also more obscure requests which may have meaning to some but don’t please the general population.
I consider this more like “How Do You Talk To An Angel” by The Heights.
Generally speaking these are the songs that some slutty lady named Barb got knocked up to in a Ford F-150 and has some real heartfelt emotional meaning to her, and her only.
These drag down the momentum, but will be played for a healthy tip.
Finally, we have the game changers. Piano Man, Don’t Stop Believing and Sweet Caroline.
I don’t just give those out for free. Those you gotta earn. Those have a price tag.
So as I have been receiving requests to comment on the Arizona immigrant situation. I have been waiting for the tips to keep filling the punch bowl.
As I sit here typing this, I legitimately have no idea who is even mad.
The crackers or the Wetbacks?
Alas, I am a man of the people. And in spite of not knowing the words and only having a drunk housewife from Des Moines humming the melody, I will give it a shot. Because I am a professional dammit. An uncompensated, under qualified professional.
I am not even sure I am going to bother looking into it before I write this.
Here is what I know. The state of Arizona has a shit load of brown people in it. I don’t know if they are Guatemalan, Spanish, Mexican or really tan.
I also know that the people taking out the garbage, and washing dishes and mowing lawns when it’s 120 degrees, didn’t graduate from ASU.
Without any information about the topic, I assume some asshole Senator or Congressmen is trying to gain public favor by saying that he will protect the people of Arizona’s jobs by removing the competition from the illegal workers.
Great short term strategy, might even get another term out of the deal.
Long term, I see a lot of landscaping that will need to be done, I see a lot of heavy ass furniture that will need to be moved, and I see a lot of restaurants switching to paper plates.
Because illegal workers aren’t stealing the jobs that anyone wants.
Investment Bankers and hedge fund managers aren’t swimming here from Puerto Vallerta.
No real jobs are at stake, and the jobs that are, America presents an inferior alternative to.
Would you rather have Pedro who used to serve in the Guatemalan Presidential Guard and has 6 kids to feed take out the garbage where you work? Or Billy, the high school drop out son of a meth whore and an absent dad?
Pedro is going to spray out the can, rebag it, tie the top so you don’t have rodents and lock the trash gate door behind him.
Billie will be texting the scummy whore he is hoping to finger at the park later, trying to score OxyContin from his buddies mom’s medicine cabinet and will likely just chuck the garbage towards the dumpster because it’s too god damned hot outside to give a shit?
Fuck you Billie, and your Meth addled dumpster slut Mom.
My vote is for Pedro, my vote is for quality, my vote is for merit.
Fuck you Senator whoever the fuck, white people fuck up the starch on my dress shirts, I want a foreigner.