This just in… Jenna Jameson is a crazy lying bitch.

I feel confident that everyone on Earth already knew that BUT, she insisted on proving it by claiming her husband Tito Ortiz (oh man, Tito Jortiz…. how did I miss that?) beat her up.

Here is the thing, I have sat next to Jenna Jameson at a club and tried to get my boy Elliot to put his foot in her or whichever body part you would need to insert into her vag to register a sensation.

Unfortunately he wasn’t going for it, because I don’t think legally you even have to ask Jenna if it’s ok to have sex with her. After so many unique uses, an item becomes public domain. I think she just checks her e-mail on her Blackberry and says Ooooh Baby a couple times then says “are you done?” and sprays a squirt of Binaca on her situation and walks away.

Oh well, I feel like he should have pursued it. How often do you get a chance to bang a broad who’s snatch is… Wait, got sidetracked… Jenna is a whore, BUT…

She claimed that former UFC Champion Tito Ortiz beat her up… Jenna might weigh 98lbs if she swallowed this morning.

If Tito, who walks around at about 230 was to bump into her accidentally in the kitchen she would be in a neck brace and a diaper.

If Tito were to punch Jenna Jameson, his hand would literally go through her.
She would be dead, immediately.
There would be no 911 call, no arm bandage, no discussion.
Jenna would cease to exist as a human being.

How any Police Officer kept a straight face during this situation is beyond me, because the first question I would ask if Jenna told me Tito punched her would be “How the fuck did you find all your teeth so fast?”

If they thumb wrestled, her right leg would be 2 inches shorter than her left. Tito is kind of a fag and a serious douchebag in real life, but Jenna’s face would look like that famous painting The Scream or whatever the hell it’s called.

In summation, Jenna has sucked a lot of dongs AND made this whole thing up. I’m no Sherlock Holmes, but I think this case is solved.